I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
