Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
