break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
