this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
