Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
