Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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