i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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