Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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