my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
