remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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