I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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