I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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