You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
