I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
