I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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