life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
