"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
