We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
