don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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