You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
