I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
