We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
