i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
