hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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