I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
