if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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