She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
