Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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