is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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