so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
