The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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