Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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