I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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