Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
