I love black thongs
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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