I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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