My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
