So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
