my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
