Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
