just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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