she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
