My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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