Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
