great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
