A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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