Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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