At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
