I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
