that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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