all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
